Site one
Name:
Delboy on 3/3/2001 said:
Subject: Balls
Message: I
can do u a good deal on some balls. They are in good
nick, and come from a mush. I'll deliver them to your
flat in my three wheeler, and Rodney can carry them up
the stairs. Also, we have some porno mags going cheap.
E-mail me at
delboy@rodneyisaplonker.com
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Name:
Matthew Holgate on 2/22/2001 said:
Subject:
Mathematics, though I was good at them all
Message:
How many stalks of grass is there per yard on the pitch?
And what is the average speed at which u run when
playing? What is the probability that u win a match?
0.01%?
E-mail address given:
swot@swotmail.com
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Name:
The rest of the team on 2/22/2001 said:
Subject: We
quit
Message: We all quit, we are going to play for
the Renford Rejects
instead.
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Name:
Mr Edwards on 1/11/2001 said:
Subject:
hmmm
Message: Luke, I thought me lending u my mags
was between me and u. Why did u have to let it slip. If
your mother finds out, we'll both be sleeping outside
tonight.
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Name:
Me on 1/1/2001 said:
Subject: LOL
Message: Whose
idea was it to turn this website into a comedy? Well
done that person! I haven't laughed so much in ages. You
could have a future in comedy writing. It's all so
perfect-lol. A football team consisting of only 6
players, all of whom play in school uniform. How did u
ever dream it up? And where did u get the actors from to
pose as football players? The actor who plays Luke
Edwards was particularly well chosen. He looks like the
sort who would batter the ref.
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Name:
Me on 12/28/2000 said:
Subject: hmm
Message: Can I
play for your team then? I once had a trial for West
Brom, but I'm alright at football,
honest.
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Name:
Luke!!!! on 12/28/2000 said:
Subject: Where were
u??!!
Message: Hmmmm!!! I waited for hours and u
didn't come! I have a good mind to corporally punish u
for this! How dare u stand me up, I had my house all
ready for u to feel at homo, and this is how u repay me.
I should have known better than to turn my interests to
u older man, u really are much better off with 13 year
olds. The offer of coming with me on my march in
Brighton in aid of changing the age of gay consent to 12
still stands, yet I feel perhaps we won't be marrying
after all. Your photo still will forever take pride of
place on my dressing table, but nothing else. I would
appreciate it if u would email me and tell me what I did
wrong. Anyway, I hear that u coach year 8 boys at
soccer. I wish I could join in (hehe), or even play,
and take them from behind. Anyway, u might regret not
getting with me, as I will get a dead fit toyboy with a
big cock. Anyway, to all u lovely boyies out there, I am
organising a camping trip to Brighton for the summer,
email me if u wanna come. I am off now to put my teddies
to bed, late night don't do them any good, especially
Dale and Julian. We could have been together Luke,
you've ruined it now, I hope uc an't sleep, and u scream
etc p.s. Eminem is a homophobic git, whose mother should
have smacked more on the bottie as a
child
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Name:
Paul Jones on 12/28/2000 said:
Subject: This
site
Message: I myself play for a team as well, and I
think it is very good that u have set up a website for
your team, what a shame that I cannot get access to the
net, and hence cannot build a site for my team. This
site is impressive, I know the colour scheme makes u
wonder whether or not u have inadvertently puked all
over your screen, but other than that, it's cool. The
chatroom is good, and u have photos, The way to the
future is the net, it's a good idea, a good way to
advertise. The other FC has been checked out, and that
is good too, it is good to see football being promoted
in a good sense, as today it is shown mostly ina
negative sense. I hope u continue to play in a sensible
and gentle manner, and that u get all the success u
deserve, both with matches, and this
site.
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Name:
Impotent from Ipswich on 6/6/2001 said:
Subject:
Help,viagra failed me
Message: I cannot have joyful
sex anymore, because my ***** won't erect. Please help,
I have tried sleeping naked and asking it nicely, but it
won't stand
up.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Name:
Louise Wilkinson's boyfriend on 6/5/2001
said:
Subject: You're dead
Message: I see that you
have my girlfriend's pic on here, and I also have reason
to believe that you are (WELL, WERE) in an affair with
her, as I have seen the text messages which you have
sent her and also seen some of the e-mails which you
sent her and the pms which you have on chatlines. Well,
I am glad to inform you that sometimes it has been me
that you have been talking to, and that I am not
impressed. Her pic on the site confirmed her infidelity
to me. I have killed her for her crimes already, and am
now coming to kill you. Unless you can persuade me
otherwise. Maybe anal sex for free will suffice, or
maybe I will ask to do your dad as well. I will have to
see, but I am warning you, you'd better start rounding
up people who can satisfy me sexually, as this is the
only way to calm me down when I am homicidal. YOU HAVE
BEEN
WARNED!!!!!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Name:
Jo Guest's bloke on 6/3/2001 said:
Subject: Dead
meat
Message: Luke, u r dead meat, I know that you
and Jo are having an affair, I am six foot four and 20
stone, and I have already been done for GBH!!!!!!!!!!
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Name:
Bananaman on 5/31/2001 said:
Subject:
Bananas
Message: Bananas are cool, u can: Shove them
up your boxers, and pretend to be hung like a black man;
shove them up your ass and pretend to be gay; shove them
in your pockets, and pretend to be loaded; throw them
like a boomerang. p.s. If you collect 6,001 banana skins
and send them to me, you're eligible for a fuck. If you
wear a banana-flavoured condom.
E-mail address given:
bananaman@bananaskin.com
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Name:
James Barker on 5/31/2001 said:
Subject: my
holliday
Message: hi luke i am haveing a grate tiym
hear in spane i maid shore i founde a syber caffe so
that i cud emale u butt i am disapoynted that i hav yett
to syber i fort i wud sign your guessedbuc as an olturn
ative to sending u a postcarde and also i am not yett
veri gud with emale well i supose u wont to no about my
holliday well i flu to the air porte from heath row the
fliyt was scairy i had to relie on teddi to helpe me
threw it someone said they were standing up on the plain
as they were getting off at the next stop they said it
was a joke butt i didnt get it at the air porte a
policeman had a gun with scaired me butt i put my hands
in my pocket and said " u got my gun i got mine lets
shoot it out " he mumbeld sumthings under his breth i
think it involved my dic!!! those spanyads hav grate
sences of humuor are hotel is crite bigg much like my
dic!! they have a bar wehere i can get served if i put
on my deap voyse i went on the beech and got burn't and
i luk grate well fit i havent pulled yet i admit butt
all the girls giggle wen they sea me witch leeds me to
beleave that they fanci me we staid up till mid nite
last nite we realy are wilde childes i am going to strip
tonite as i am proude of my boddy as far as the locasls
are concerned they speak like spastycs i cante
understand there accents for the life of me i luk
forwarde to seing u wen i gett bac befour i start my
media studdies corse at uni
E-mail address given:
jamesbarker@retardsanonymous.com
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Name:
Jonathan Woss on 5/26/2001 said:
Subject: Weal men
don't need subjects
Message: I weally don't think
this website is good, as it's never updated, which is a
weal shame, it used to be a weally good laugh, but then
I guess my feelings are iwwelevant, am I
wight?
E-mail address given:
asifidgiveumyemailaddwess
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Name:
Princess Diana on 5/19/2001 said:
Subject: Life and
death
Message: I was on the radio the day I
died...and the dashboard, and the backseat, hohoho, one
can chortle about it now. Do you know the difference
between my chauffeur and David Beckham? Beckham can take
corners. Anyway, old Big-Ears, sorry Dumbo, sorry
Charles, is carrying on with old buck teeth, sorry horse
features, sorry, Camilla, still. He was fucking her and
me at the same time, u know, anyway, I got my own back,
I had James Hewitt inside me, he's Harry's father, u
know, strictly between me and u, and all who come here -
ok, strictly between me and u, then. I wish the damned
Grandmother-in-law would die, not fair that she is alive
still. Luke, you're old enough to fuck me now, u weren't
when I died. Typical! I wish I hadn't had an affair, I
might be in Heaven then, oh well, never mind. Time to go
feed Hitler his supper.
E-mail address given:
princessdi@carcrashvictimsinhell.com
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Name:
Sean Sheep on 3/27/2001 said:
Subject: Not
right
Message: I am healthy, but will be killed
tomorrow, cause of foot and mouth. If u think this is
unfair, e-mail me at the given address, and I will print
them off, and send them on. Also, if anyone wants a
quick shag, before I die, let me know. Charlotte Church
has already lost her virginity to me. Baaa Baa
E-mail address given:
seansheep@footandmouth.com
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Name:
Luke's school headmaster on 3/27/2001 said:
Subject:
Discipline
Message: I am disappointed in u, I thought
u would go far, yet u have only gone as far as making
this site. I regret the day I ever put a good comment on
your NRA.
E-mail address given:
headmaster@school.com
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Name:
Joe King on 3/27/2001 said:
Subject:
Bollocks
Message: If u wanna be an irritating cunt,
here is how: Ask old ppl for sex; ask women to give u
blows; get a bus to stop, but don't get on; lie down in
the road; chant Exodus, at loud volumes, in a library;
jump up and down, and look insane; ask ppl for the time,
every 2 mins; ask waiters at a restaurant, if the food
meets regulations. But I didn't tell u these!
E-mail
address given:
joeking@joking.com
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Name:
Anne Robinson on 3/27/2001 said:
Subject:
Hmm
Message: This site is not anything special. Which
site is already beginning to show signs of
deteriorating? Which site shouldn't even be on the net!
Who shouldn't be online. It's votes that counts, you ARE
the weakest link, GOODBYE!
E-mail address given:
annerobinson@uglygingerbitch.com
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Name:
JuliaN ClArY on 3/27/2001 said:
Subject:
fight
Message: I had a fight with Graham Norton last
night. He called me ugly. We were soon exchanging
blows.
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Name:
Declan Swann on 3/27/2001 said:
Subject:
Glasses
Message: I was hurt in a playground accident,
and now, I'll always need glasses. Is that how u got
yours?
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Name:
Robert Wells on 3/27/2001 said:
Subject: I love
u
Message: Luke, I love u, u r soo sexy. I dream of
sucking your cock every night. I know that I normally
like 13 year old boys, but u r the exception, though I
like the pic of u as a child. Anyway, ever since school,
I have fancied u. I wanked over u then, and I still do
now. U say u r too hetero for me, but I can change your
sexuality, just like I change all the pre-pubescent
boys' sexualities. Just give me a chance, and I won't
let u down. I promise to wipe my arse before u fuck me,
so don't worry about getting shit on your cock. So, come
round to my house tomorrow at 7, and don't bring
condoms, as us gays don't need them, as it feels better
without them, such a nice sensation. Oh, and can u
accompany me on my protest in aid of changing the gay
consent age to 12? Anyway, I know u will soon come to
your senses and fuck me, then we can take a holiday in
Brighton and move to Copenhagen to marry. I have to go
now, as my teddies need putting to bed and also the
young teenager across the road from me will be getting
ready for bed ( telescope, lol ). Remember, to come
round tomorrow, my parents will be out, and I'll have
YMCA playing. You will feel at homo. Bye for now sexy,
bottoms up. p.s. Would u care to join me when I go on
supermarket sweep?
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Name:
Delboy on 3/27/2001 said:
Subject: Cushty
Message:
Hi, I can get u some after shave and blow up dolls for
cheap. From a mush. E-mail me if u r interested. I can
deliver them in my Reliant, and Rodders will carry them
up the stairs. You can have a shufty at what we have
got, by visiting our website at
www.rodneyisaplonker.com. Don't forget to visit it. He
who dares, wins. Nice to do trade with us. Luvly jubbly
Love Derek Trotter, Nelson Mandela House, Peckham,
London T.I.T Traders
E-mail address given:
delboy@rodneyisaplonker.com
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Name:
David Beckham on 3/27/2001 said:
Subject:
Siense
Message: y is this site blew and not red like
manchesta you nightd i will kick your ass if u take the
fucking piss out me for wearing a sarong again or if u
call my wife anorecsic or me thick and also i must say
that birmingham city are shit and that man u r the best
i want to see u play football as girls seem to think u
have good balls control i have better controle over mine
though and u also shagged vichtoria if u do that again i
will make u blow me and that is not pleasant as i would
cum in your mouthe
E-mail address given:
davidbeckham@thickcrossdresser.com
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Name:
Birmingham City talent scout on 3/27/2001
said:
Subject: Yes
Message: I have seen your
sites, and think that u r just about bad enough to play
for us, so, if u like, e-mail me and we can organise a
trial. We fuck each other on weekdays, so arrange it for
the weekend.
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Name:
The Queen on 3/27/2001 said:
Subject:
Haha
Message: This site is typical of what one would
expect of someone belonging to the lower classes, none
of my grandchildren would do this kind of site, and
football is barbaric, have u not heard of fox-hunting or
polo?
E-mail address given:
thequeen@buckinghampalace.com
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Name:
Mike Tyson on 3/27/2001 said:
Subject: Your
ded
Message: u sed i was a yankie twat and so i will
have to come and bite your ears off and even lennox
lewis cant save u as i am out of control and
mad
E-mail address given:
miketyson@earstastenice.com
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