The Young Ones page The Young Ones, named after the Cliff Richard song, was written by Lise Mayer, Rik Mayall and Ben Elton. It first appeared on our screens in 1982, and a second series followed in 1984. Numerous comedians have featured in the show, often before becoming famous; almost as though this paved the way for them to better things. The programme concerned four dirty, mismatched Polytechnic students, who lived in a Student residence in North London. The comedy was bizarre - even the furniture started talking. The storylines were vague, and much of the humour relied upon slapstick occurences. However, it appealed to young people everywhere, and is remembered as a classic, cult programme, even though only 12 episodes were ever made. It was different to any other comedy of its time. Characters Rick - A Cliff Richard fan, anarchist ( when it suited him to be ) and a wannabe poet. Studied Sociology. Hated Neil, other hippies and " the pigs ", and was hated by Vyvyan. Fancied himself, tried to be popular, but failed, somewhat miserably. Played by Rik Mayall, and my favourite character. . Neil - A hippy, obsessed with Lentils. The other three lumbered him with all the housework, and took advantage of his non-violent nature. His surname was Pye. Played by Nigel Planer. Vyvyan - A ginger-haired punk, and a Medical student. Possibly one of the least likely Medical Students ever. Had a very violent, destructive nature - typical of punks - and enjoyed hitting Rick and Neil over the head. Always wore the same clothes, including a studded denim jacket. Owned a hamster, SPG. Played by Adrian Edmondson. Mike - Mike's surname was " Thecoolperson ", and he certainly tried to live up to his name. Spent hours in the bathroom, dressed very smartly, and chatted up women regularly. A bit of a vain character, really. Looked a bit old to be a " Young One ". Mike was the only one who was respected by all of the others. They all looked up to him, despite him being barely five feet tall. Played by Christopher Ryan (who hasn't gone onto achieve great success, unlike the other three leading cast members), and the least funny of the characters, in my opinion. The Balowski family - Included Victor, Alexei, Reggie, Billy, Tommy, Brian Damage and Jerzei. Played by Alexei Sayle Episodes Series one Demolition - Pilot episode of the comedy. This episode basically introduced viewers to the characters. Rick watches a programme for young adults, called " Nozin' Aroun'. Neil tries to hang himself, but the rope turns out to be too short. About halfway through this episode, Vyvyan comes through the dining room wall, coming to rest on the table, as the others are eating. His reason for doing so is that they've had a letter from the Council, who've ordered for their house to be demolished, as they're seen as a health hazard, but Vyvyan is determined to do the job for them. Accordingly, he goes about putting his head through windows, and trying to headbutt walls down. Rick is outraged by the prospect of the house being demolished, and nails himself to a cross, on the front of their house, as a form of protest. Mike decides to try and charm the local councillor when she comes for their rentbook, and Neil decides that he can't handle the situation. The next morning, a plane pilotted by someone who says in a, "we're about to crash sort of way", " Wow, I really hope we don't have a crash ", crashes onto their house, raising it to the ground. Featuring: Nine Below Zero; Ben Elton ( as the host of the programme, Nozin' Aroun' ); Paul Bradley ( Nigel from Eastenders, as the pilot of the plane that crashes ). Oil - The lads move into their new house, complete with talking, student-hating statue, sunflower and letterbox. Mike demonstrates how to unlock the door, they go in, to find a sea of letters, left over by the illiterate Philosophy students that just moved out. Vyvyan and Rick fight over a bedroom, until Vyvyan sets it on fire, and they give it to Neil. After unpacking his women's underwear and blow-up doll, Mike finds Buddy Holly, hanging from his new bedroom ceiling. Buddy performs a new song, regarding daddy longlegses, and then dies. Mike takes him to the cellar. Neil introduces himself to the kitchen, and opens up the cupboard, only to have all the crockery fall out and smash. He finds the teapot, which is dirty, and rubs it with his sleeve, which activates a genie. The genie tidies up the kitchen, and gives Neil six pairs of hands, until Vyvyan kills it, by pouring boiling water into the teapot which it came out of. Also, Mike turns Rick's bedroom into a roller-disco. Anyway, Vyvyan is innocently playing murder in the dark, when he tells the others that he has found oil, in the cellar. Mike sees the potential profit, and declares a house meeting for 9.00 the next morning, in the broom cupboard. Neil and Rick go to it, and after Neil blowing it up, by sneezing, they are found by Vyvyan and Mike. They force Rick and Neil to go to the cellar to dig oil. While doing this, Rick accidentally sticks a pick-axe through Vyvyan's head. Assuming he is dead, Rick declares a workers' revolution, and organises a benefit gig, in aid of the oppressed workers of the house. This is done by Alexei Balowski, their landlord's nephew, and concerns Dr.Marten's boots. Anyway, it turns out that Vyvyan was lying about the oil. Featuring: Radical Posture ( who do the benefit gig ); Robbie Coltrane ( as a bouncer at the Roller-disco ). Boring - Everyone is really bored. Vyvyan enters a Cornflakes competition, to win a Ford Tippex. They attempt to relieve their boredom, by playing Monopoly, while Neil goes outside to dig his grave, and ends up digging into a world where nothing boring ever happens. Billy Balowski, Jerzei's clinically insane brother, comes pretending to be a taxi-driver, and with a note to deliver. After doing Dalek impressions, he explains to the camera that he was driven mad by living in a tower block, below a motorcycling elephant, and a kipper-beating seal. A very small alien, by the name of Ftumch, is summoned up to Earth for 3 mins, from Hell, after Rick says his name. He attempts to kill Rick and Neil, but eventually kills a Kelloggs car competition rep. who has come to deliver the new Ford Tippex, which a policeman drives off in. After a police siege in their house, which is televised, they go off to the Kebab and Calculator pub to relieve their boredom, where they meet Vyvyan's mother, who is a bartender and takes a shine to Mike. Featuring: Madness ( Playing The house of fun, in the pub ). Bomb - A plane drops an atom bomb, which lands, unexploded, in their kitchen. It conspires that they haven't paid their TV licence, and Mr Bastard, the TV detector man calls. Rick cries and tries to blame it on the other three, Vyvyan eats the telly. While Vyvyan tries to set off the bomb, Neil is determined to survive, and builds a bomb shelter, Mike tries making money by selling the bomb, and Rick decides to blackmail Thatcher by threatening to set it off, unless she abolishes poverty and capitalism, and has Dexy's Midnight Runners playing free, in the University library. He goes to send a telegram to her, accidentally going to the DHSS first. However, the atom bomb turns out not to be an atom bomb. Featuring: Dexy's Midnight Runners Interesting - They hold a student party at their house. Guests include Neil's friend Neil - who is shoved inside the fridge, by Rick - , and Rick's Sociology lecturer. Shortly before the party begins, a Christian nutcase comes to the house, and, after preaching and telling them to repent, is crushed by a gigantic sandwich thrown by one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. One funny part of this episode is where Rick finds a tampon, and takes it to bits, thinking it's a telescope with a mouse in it. Later on, Tommy Balowski, Jerzei's alcoholic and violent cousin, gatecrashes the party. Shortly before midnight, some sort of Cinderella comes, and is taken by Mike to his bedroom, before turning into a pumpkin at midnight. Things really liven up after the local pub closes, and about 50 others come, including punks and hippies. Rick tries to look cool, and pretends to be a political activist, before being asked by someone to help him in blowing up a panda in Croydon, which Rick misunderstands. Neil is offered a spliff, and ends up being whisked up to another planet after getting high. Two gatecrashers try to get into the house through the chimney, and end up rescuing an 18th century chimneysweep and Santa Claus, from it. Then, at the end, everyone starts fighting, after some punks start beating Neil up. Featuring: Dawn French ( as the religious nutcase ); Rip, Rig and Panic. Flood - Not a great deal happens in this episode. As the episode title suggests, there is a flood. They are stranded inside their house as a result. Vyvyan, being a medical student, comes up with a potion that, when drunk, turns you into an axe-wielding, homicidal maniac. This is put into a coke can. Meanwhile, there is a lion-tamer inside Mike's bedroom. To relieve their boredom, they play a game of Hide-and-Seek. After setting fire to Rick's Sociology file, Vyv hides in a wardrobe, which takes him to the land of Narnia ( as in, the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe ). While they are playing this, Jerzei Balowski, their landlord, comes and drinks the potion, and turns into an axe-wielding homicidal maniac. He too visits the land of Narnia. After they have finished playing Hide-and-Seek, and while Jerzei is still in the land of Narnia, Vyv builds a cardboard submarine, which SPG ruins. Being angry about this, he puts him outside to play with the sharks. Not being able to leave the house means that they haven't got enough food to feed them all, so they decide that they have to resort to eating Neil. While they are upstairs trying to kill him with a chainsaw, Jerzei comes to try and kill them all, but ends up being eaten by the lions in Mike's bedroom. Series Two Bambi - This was, in my opinion, one of the best episodes. It got the new series off to a seemingly promising start. Firstly, they realise that they haven't been to the Launderette in a while - over two years - and so Mike insists that they go. After driving everyone else out of the Launderette, they realise that they have forgotten to bring any money. The students are picked to go on University Challenge. Neil remembers this only at the last minute, so they have to rush to the station to catch the train up to Manchester. The train journey is very funny. Rick gets Neil to test him, and gets annoyed when he finds that he knows very little, and calls Neil a Teacher's Pet. Vyv sees a sign by a door on the train, which says " Do not lean out of the window ". He leans out of the window, and is beheaded by another train. After pulling the communication cord, he gets off the train, and retrieves his head . The train is also held up by Mexican bandits. When they finally arrive at Granada Studios, we find out that they got thrown off the train, and had to walk the last 200 miles. Vyv brings a pig as a mascot. They play Footlights College, Oxbridge, and begin to lose, but end up winning , after Bambi brings on easier questions, as taken from the Daily Mirror book of facts. Featuring: Griff Rhys-Jones ( as Bamber Gascoine ); Mel Smith ( as the Granada security man ); Hugh Laurie, Stephen Fry, Ben Elton, Emma Thompson ( as Lord Monty, Lord Snot, Kendal Mintcake and Miss Money-Sterling of Footlights College Oxbridge, respectively ); Robbie Coltrane; Motorhead. Cash - It's the middle of Winter, and they are short of money. Vyv burns most of the furniture as Winter fuel. Neil thinks that the furniture disappearing is due to a poltergeist. Two beheaded ghosts are seen walking through the house, fighting over their bodies. After Vyv makes the rest of them believe that he's pregnant, Neil ends up having to get a job, in order to get cash. He tries to join the Army, but makes the dreadful mistake of telling them that he's a pacifist. However, he manages to join the Police Force, after speaking to a Benito Mussolini lookalike. While he is out of the house, on duty, a truck smashes through their front window, and leaves them with a whole load of expensive furniture. However, Vyv's wind and Mike lighting a cigar at the same time, cause the house to blow up. Nasty - This episode is made to be a little like a horror movie. At the beginning of the episode, they are seen carrying a coffin to a grave, which they have dug. A couple of gravediggers ask them why they have dug it, and It then goes back to the following night, as they explain. Mike has borrowed a video off Harry the bastard, and they have got some video nasties to watch, but they have difficulties getting it to work. Meanwhile, Rick has boarded up Neil's room, and Neil comes downstairs wearing a dress which he claims to have found in Rick's room. Rick denies being transexual. Later on, the Postman comes who delivers a package, which they believe to be a vampire ( although claims to be a driving instructor from Johannesburg ). Vyv claims that vampires only attack virgins, which worries them all. After a lot of trying, they manage to trap it in their coffin-settee, and take it to be buried. However, it turns out to be Harry the bastard, who asks for £500 for the video not being returned on time. Not exactly a funpacked episode. Featuring: Hale & Pace ( as gravediggers ); Chris Barrie ( as a pirate ); Dawn French; Paul Bradley. Time - Having been to a party the night before, Vyv has a hang over and Rick wakes up next to a chick. He brags to the others about having scored with her. However, the truth comes out, and Vyv forces him to admit that he is a virgin. The woman turns out to be a murderess who has escaped from a prison. She eventually gets crushed by a medieval knight, who smashes through the front door on horseback. Neil goes out, and realises that the whole house has gone through a time warp, and that they are surrounded by angry peasants. The peasants invade their house at the end of the episode. Featuring: Hale & Pace; Jennifer Saunders ( as the murderess ); Dawn French ( an Easter Bunny ); Robbie Coltrane; Amazula. Sick - They have all come down with terrible colds. Rick and Neil keep arguing, so Vyv throws a petrol bomb into Rick's room. As Neil's sneezing gets worse, the others shove Rick's laundry bag over his head and stick his head through the window. Some glass hits a man in the street, who then throws bricks at the wrong house's window, causing a woman from that house to throw a lamp, which hits the wrong man, who then thinks the other man did it, causing a fight between them two, which leads to a car crash and a series of other fights. Madness are playing outside, who end up smashing each other with their guitars, causing a full scale riot, and the police and army come. A violent and highly dangerous escaped criminal madman, namely Mr Brian Damage Balowski enters their house and threatens to blow their heads off, though as he is doing so, Vyv's mum makes a brief appearence, and gives him an empty bottle of Vodka. Shortly after, Neil suddenly remembers that his parents are coming to tea in 30 seconds, so they all tidy the place up. On arriving, his parents say how disappointed with him they are that he has ended up in a programme like the Young Ones. His father asks why he can't be in a nice sit-com, such as the Good Life. Vyv expresses his hate for the programme and Richard Briers and Felicity Kendall, while Rick and Neil defend Felicity Kendall. They end up in a The Good Life spoof. While Neil is explaining about self-sufficiency, to Rick, Rick gets annoyed, and hits him over the head with a spade. Believing him to be dead, he panics, and buries him with manure. It turns out that he only stunned him, and that in burying him, he has grown him, and produced two clones of him. After lying in bed feeling guilty, Rick goes downstairs and finds Neil and his two clones. Featuring: Ben Elton ( Grange Hill spoof ); Madness. Summer Holiday - This was the last ever Young Ones episode. The term has just finished. Vyv is very bored, Rick is dead excited about this. After a game of indoor cricket, with Rick as the stumps, Neil reveals that it's his birthday, and announces that he's having a party. Rick later announces his plans to go home to his parents for the Summer, but Mike informs him that he had a phonecall saying that they had died that morning. Jerzei Balowski, their landlord, comes and evicts them from their house, leaving them to sleep rough. Rick tries to make money from prostitution. The results of their finals are handed to them by the Postman. Rick learns that he came last in the whole world. Mike gets fed up, and swears never to be poor or hungry, and organises a Bank Robbery. They decide to go ahead with this, and arrive at the Facist Pig Bank, with water pistols as guns. Vyv is the getaway driver, while the other three go in. However, someone else is already robbing the bank, but Rick takes the swag bag off him, and they run out to the getaway car. After they have got into it, Vyv drives his car straight into a lampost, killing his hamster, S.P.G, who is seen going up to Heaven, to the tune of bagpipes. Vyv starts crying, and, worried about being caught, Rick gets out the car and runs off, only to nick a double-decker bus, which they all get into. Vyv takes over the wheel, and they plan to get away to a better place, where they can find chicks and what not. However, the bus smashes through a Cliff Richard hoarding and goes off a cliff and blows up. Featuring: Ben Elton; Lenny Henry ( as the Postman ); Norman Lovett ( from Red Dwarf - the face of the computer screen - as the man in the bank, who worked at the Penny Arcade across the road ). Young One's quotes . I only said I was a pacifist . Neil, your bedroom's on fire! . I would say something, but no-one ever listens to me anyway. I might as well be a Lenny Coen record . Don't look at me - I'm irrelevant . Wow! This is really amazingly hot! . Darling Carrott. Could you ever love a cripple? . What've you done? Turned it into a roller-disco? . I think old people are really boring, and the only reason that you don't understand our music, is that you don't like it . Sometimes I really wish I was a fly on the wall . Who's been gobbing in my porridge? . Morning has broken . She doesn't look strong enough - to lift shops . Did a guy with a lisp, phone? . Dirty duvet, dirty mind . Hands up who likes me . There's some dinner on the floor if you want it . Thanks for telling me about the new hole, guys . I wouldn't even discuss the colour of orange juice with you, Neil . Heavy! . The voice of youth. They're still wearing flared trousers . Stop making him paranoid, you slag! . I think you did it on purpose, because you know I've got a runny bottom . Either stretch your stuff, or bog off . You're a spade . From monopoly to the grave, the most interesting thing that happens to me is sneezing. I wish I was Magnus Magnusson . If I had a penny for every time I'd had to answer the door..I'd have £5.63 . This is a friend of mine called Mike. This is a friend of mine called Neil..... and that's a complete bastard I know called Rick . I'm just going to treat this problem like my mattress...and sleep on it . It's as if the kettle's killed itself, rather than be used by ME . I just looked at it and it blew up . This is a very tricky spot, but Mike Thecoolperson will squeeze it . If people weren't sick, we wouldn't need penicillin . Suicide may be a great hobby, but I wouldn't do it for a living . Cornflakes for breakfast? That's disgusting, Neil . If British Rail want £50, they can just about blooming well go out and become a prostitute - which they virtually are already, right commuters? . Which, if you ask me, is about as clever as going to the toilet without taking your trousers down . We've just got time before my balls drop . I would rather go to a lecture than a launderette . See you, teddybear! . We're all completely broke, so we've got to make sacrifices. I, myself, have generously donated my used tissue collection . I'm so hungry, I could eat my own ear wax . A chap could lose his bearings in weather like this . I go to all the trouble of boarding you up in your bedroom, and you haven't even got the common decency to be in there . Oh no! I'll die if I miss Scooby Doo . Wait a minute, Rick. I'm the one who gets the girls round here, there could be a copyright problem . Do you think ants go to discos? . Well, you see, King Arthur doesn't think I'm cool and hip enough to be on the round table, on account of some of my suits of armour have still got flares . Oh God, there's nothing left to wipe my nose on. Even S.P.G's all covered in snot . You can't clean the toilet, Neil. It'll lose all its character . We would've bought Harry, but, we don't know anyone called Harry . Oi! Stop having a wet dream, you little pervy. You're supposed to be racked with remorse . Don't tell me to shut up, you spotty little bastard, I'm your conscience . All the bad things that have happened to you, right, they've all already happened to me, ten times as badly, for ten times as long. I'll see you later, you little wimp! . I'm on board of the freedom bus, heading towards good time city, and I haven't even paid my fare My ranking of the episodes 1. Bambi 2. Sick 3. Summer Holiday 4. Boring 5. Interesting 6. Bomb 7. Demolition 8. Oil 9. Cash 10.Time 11.Flood 12.Nasty Goofs By goofs, I mean inconsistencies: things which don't add up. . In the episode Cash, Vyv says that they can't all go and sit in his car, as it only has two seats, but when they do the Bank Robbery in Summer Holiday, they all get into his same car. . This is a possible goof. Neil, in Summer Holiday, says how he didn't get time to write anything in his exam. Yet, he comes top out of them all. However, as this could have only been a small exam, it could still be feasible. . In Flood, their landlord Jerzei, gets eaten, or so it appears, by lions. However, he turns up in the last episode, in perfect shape. . In Flood, Rick's bedroom is set alight. He opens up the window, which lets some flood water in, putting out the flames at the end of his bed. However, a minute later, they are strangely alight again. . In Flood, Rick tries all the TV channels to see what is on TV. The BBC testcard is on all three channels. The testcard would never have been on ITV. Also, after apparently having turned the TV off, for a split second as the camera moves away from the TV, it can be seen that the TV is still on, as the Testcard is still visible. . In Sick, Neil announces that his parents are coming to tea in 30 seconds. However, an awful lot happens in that 30 seconds - it seems at least two minutes - yet Mike counts to 30, and his parents knock on the door, dead on the 30 count. . In Cash, when the beheaded ghosts go into the house nextdoor, the clock says 5.00, yet, later that same day, it is stated that the time is 4 something. . In Sick, the toilet appears to be in a completely different place to where it normally is. . In Nasty, they're in the graveyard, and Mike says how they will owe Harry the bastard £500 if they don't get the video back to him by 9.30. He asks the time, and is told it is 9.30. However, it is still dark. Strange person When watching The Young Ones, I have seen this strange person who is not a character. It is some person with long hair down his face, who can be seen sitting up against walls in the house, often with his head in his lap. He has the mannerisms of a hippy. He can be seen: Outside the Broom Cupboard at the beginning of the episode Boring, when the old guy comes out of it; in Demolition, while Jerzei is talking to Mike and he is reading the TV Times, he is sitting against the wall, near to the door that the landlord walks through, and also in the same place while the band is playing; in Oil, in the Kitchen, when the genie appears, he is somewhere against a wall, behind the sofa and the top of his head can be seen; in Bomb, sitting by the bike, when Vyv hits Neil over the head with a teapot and in Interesting, in the front room, as they are preparing for the party. I cannot spot him in any of Series Two. I have no idea who he is meant to be. He is too 3D to be a ghost, and I doubt a corpse would find its way from the old house to the new house. However, seeing as he is never actually mentioned, he must just be there to make the programme that bit more bizarre. HOME